***As always, I must preface that these opinions are my own and in no way represent the collective beliefs of any group.
For the past year or so, I have been thinking intently about why diversity, equity, and inclusion efforts (DEI) fall short of what they intend. I have witnessed failed DEI efforts hurt individuals close to me, they’ve impacted me directly, and we constantly see some iteration of it happening in the news regularly.
Reading, listening to podcasts, spending time in introspection, and just living life have consistently led me to four themes defying even the best DEI efforts. I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
Toxic Positivity
First and foremost is toxic positivity. We see this often in social settings when someone has been called out for a microaggression and others aid in their defense by focusing on other aspects of their character like using kindness as an excuse. You might have heard something like this:
“Everyone who works here is so nice, no one could possibly be racist.” Or maybe, “Yeah, What she said was inappropriate, but I’m sure she didn’t mean to sound that way.”
👀
Being nice has nothing to do with being homophobic, ableist, racist, ageist, or sexist. Having a good company culture doesn't mean that there is no room for subtle bigotry to be pervasive.
Weaponized Incompetence
Weaponized incompetence is the action of doing a task with such mediocrity that no one will want you to perform the task again and you are absolved of the responsibility. We often see this activated in relationships, but I think that the same principle can apply to individuals who pawn off DEI efforts. It’s really hard to admit when we don’t know something. But it’s worse to hand off your personal responsibility to be anti-racist to someone else because you feel you can’t do it.
Even if you aren’t a person of color (POC) or have formal education about identity politics, sociology, or race, you can still do small things to support DEI and cultural awareness. For example, if you are a white ally to POC in a homogenous work environment, it’s not fair to expect one Black, Hispanic or Asian co-worker to figure out a DEI strategy all alone. Even if you can’t supply empathy, you can provide capital, advocacy for their ideas, or other support while staying engaged.
Let me be clear though, there are often times when it is best to let someone in a marginalized group lead programs and initiatives, but they will need support from others—regardless of identity.
Weaponized incompetence with a racial lens is seen in family contexts too. For example, if your children tell you that they heard their grandparents use a racial slur or innuendos, weaponized incompetence would let grandma and grandpa off the hook: “Grandma and grandpa are old, they grew up in a different time than us and we can’t change them,” hence excusing their actions through incompetence.
White Fragility
White fragility (see a summary of Robin DiAngelo’s research here in the New Yorker) hinders conversations from taking place or from going to the depth that they need for anyone to gain a sense of validation and peace.
What does this look like? I will share a few examples below:
When white people feel uncomfortable hearing the lived experiences of a Black, Indigenous, Person of Color (BIPOC).
When a BIPOC employee reports a biased incident to a senior-level employee or HR and receives pushback or no support. This could be because their supervisor benefits from white privilege, or it would call into question another worker who has white privilege— all things that make people feel uncomfortable.
An employee of color calls out racist policies, micro-aggressions or inappropriate behavior to a white colleague. Then, the white worker gets defensive or goes to other colleagues for validation that they aren’t racist.
Tears and feelings of guilt are normal, but what you do with them shows your level of commitment to DEI. I firmly believe that white women’s tears can work as one of the most dangerous weapons against POC, so be careful with how you use your privilege.
Feelings of embarrassment, discomfort, and stress are not reasons that POCs should not be able to address incidents of bias or have a dialogue about racism.
A few awful and degrading racist experiences in my life were turned into beautiful encounters when the person I approached listened to me, acknowledged their actions, and committed to being more thoughtful in the future. Not only did I gain a deep level of respect for these individuals, but our relationship was also able to elevate and I knew I could trust them. Most importantly, the discussion stayed private— None of us had to tell our friends what happened for validation, no one felt the need to loop in HR, and everyone got to walk away with dignity and emotional safety.
Willful Ignorance
If you actively choose to avoid absorbing information, that is willful ignorance.
We don’t know what we don’t know. And maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think we all need to be experts in everything or even have an opinion about everything. However, if you are faced with prejudice at home, among friends, or in your place of work, arming yourself with information is the best action you can take to tackle bias and avoid it in the future.
Now What?
I am blessed with having some of the most open and candid friends and mentors. I am also privileged enough to have occupied spaces across my lifetime where I have had access to scholars and leaders who actively addressed DEI and taught me along the way. These people have shared countless stories about their Queer, Black, mixed-race, Asian, rich, poor, and immigrant lives. I am forever grateful, especially to my friends, because we may not always agree, but we never argue. Discourse like this has helped me learn so much and all it takes is time and curiosity. This work is neverending, so if you’re late to the party, that’s alright! Pull up a seat.
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