***I must preface that these opinions are my own as well as Desiree's, but in no way do we represent the beliefs of all people of color (POC).
I really like the way box braids look. I think they’re neat, stylish and a great way to keep hair out of someone's way. I think braiding hair is an impressive art and it truly takes a talented person to make braids tight, organized and lasting. Aside from the fact that I learned box braids take forever (HOURS) to get done and I’m a pretty low maintenance person in the hair and nail department, I withheld a long time from thinking seriously about having my hair braided because I thought I would be appropriating Black culture.
I told my friend Desiree that I was thinking about writing a blog on intersectional beauty and asked if someone like me could wear braids to kick off our brain dump.
This was her response: (photo below)
And of course, we continued talking.
This blog is about questioning the status quo of identity, why POC-- admittedly, myself included-- get offended quickly, identity etiquette, and finally, how to spot the difference between true appropriation and appreciation.
Identity etiquette: Is there a right way to ask a question?
Desiree says, “I don't think so because I think that all questions come from a pure curiosity. However, it is about intent. For example, if I were to blurt out that I don't feel comfortable around a gun, that's just a statement. If someone asks me why, the way they ask can impact how I feel. A lot of people come with an aggressive tone and mal-intent to make you feel uncomfortable. Another question many people have asked is, “What are you and where are you from?” It comes off as hostile, because they know I'm a person and human.”
“If it’s with good intentions, it’s fine, but I think it’s fair that if someone is uncomfortable they need to make it known. Ignorance is the achilles heel of conversation. If someone asks what I am, I can say I am an Aries, Black, multi-racial, a woman...”
Desiree clarifies, “Generally, If it feels wrong, it’s wrong for you, but at the same time, not everyone is brought up with the same etiquette.”
Tips to ask questions about identity
I asked Desiree what her suggestions are to open dialogue and speak more freely about diversity and identity without offending a person. There is no perfect formula and everyone varies, but Desiree suggests, “Use open-ended questions. They aren’t bad because it allows the person to take the conversation wherever they are comfortable.” For instance, “how would you describe yourself?” or “how do you like to identify? What cultures do you identify yourself as a part of.”
Desiree shares, “Regardless of what you may look like, if my family meets someone new, they ask them “tell me about yourself?” This allows the person to share what they're comfortable with. It may be a little awkward being so general, but experience builds comfort.”
Stay in your lane, or get intersectional— but how far?
Back to the topic of appropriation. “Appropriation is taking monetary value from another culture,” says Desiree. Appropriation can also be taking items of identity and making them your own.
“Some people just want to have fun and that's when it’s appreciation versus appropriation. So, if I enjoy dancing, I may take part in classes taught by people who are part of the culture the dance comes from,” adds Desiree. This way, I learn an aspect of another’s culture and celebrate it.
Those who take ownership of another’s culture may not understand the cultural significance of what they are using. Additionally, it might disadvantage, disempower, or disrespect other communities. As I wrote in a previous blog (which the link is broken, so find my quote in the Daily Caller), we often see gross appropriation during halloween when the Native American headdress come out-- no pow wow in site, and sombreros are seen galore.
What is appropriate and appreciative is embracing a culture with good intentions and respect. Examples that I am thankful to be able to share with you are my first Diwali festival and Holi Festival. Being a member of the Asian Culture Association in college, in no way made me an expert in ALL Asian cultural practices, but it did allow me to learn and make friends with Nepali, Indian, Black, Emirati, and Uzbek people. Many of them were open to sharing their cultural history and even welcoming the greater campus community to celebrate with them.
So, Is Adele Jamaican…?
You’re probably wondering how Adele got thrown into this blog. Well, it’s because Desiree happened to have the perfect example of a white individual, Adele, embracing and appreciating a new culture.
Adele shared a photo this past summer of her wearing bantu knots and Jamaican flag top. Some people tried to flame her for cultural appropriation, while many individuals came to her aid and shared their support. Events like these will always be controversial and subject to interpretations.
Desiree explains her views, “No, she isn’t Jamaican, but she lives in London in a town with a predominantly Jamaican demographic. Adele was seen sporting the bantu knot because she went to a festival and was appreciating that culture. Her community knows that she’s not going to act like she is Jamaican and take take take. If we assume there is mal intent for any person embracing a new culture every actor could be called racist.”
To note, white privilege and power dynamics do play a role in why white individuals are often seen at the center of appropriation controversies. POC use or embrace European culture, but they often embrace trends, looks and practices in order to assimilate, not appropriate. One example of this is why Black women historically felt a need to straighten their hair in order to maintain status in the workplace.
“We all have to have learning and teaching moments!” - Desiree
“It’s all a matter of experience; If your culture hasn't felt attacked then I don't think you take the defense. If your culture was attacked, then a sense of pride clashes with insecurity. The perfect example being Carnival. Carnival is where most Caribbean people find their comfort and safe space to be themselves and celebrate who they are. So, when they see someone who wouldn't care about them on the average day, showing up at Carnival, then the automatic response is to take offense. Or, to question ‘why is this person here?’, ‘what is the meaning of this’, and ‘are they using my culture to their benefit?’ like with Adele.”
“Some people never give others the opportunity of being either an enemy or friend, especially if they're from a community where they are attacked or killed. However, there is a different perspective to those coming from a community with a history of killing or attacking others. Those with a history of killing and claiming another’s culture don't ever feel threatened because they aren't the one being attacked….It’s a matter of being vulnerable and asking “tell me about yourself.” You have to be willing to become vulnerable instead of acting like you're being vulnerable.”
I’m not telling people of color, people of different abilities or sexualities to practice respectability politics, I’m telling you to share your experiences proactively if you’re comfortable and question why you’re not comfortable to begin with. I challenge us all to embrace new cultures with open minds and a desire to learn.
A special thank you to Desiree for allowing me to interview her and share her personal perspectives.
Desiree identifies as Trinidian-American, Afro-Caribbean, West Indian, and Black.
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