During my final semester of undergrad, I took a women and gender studies class. One day stood out to me because the focus on the group discussion was on the concept of the hierarchy of oppression. Black, Hispanic, Asian, Caucasion...that’s the typical order from left to right that people see levels of oppression, with black people seeing the most oppression and white people seeing the least. The chapter within Introduction to Women's, Gender & Sexuality Studies: Interdisciplinary and Intersectional Approaches by L. Ayu Saraswati advocated for society to avoid seeing oppression as a hierarchy because otherwise it has the potential to demean the lived experiences of others who have been oppressed.
I can understand this rationale, but I also believe that seeing hierarchy in oppression isn’t necessarily bad. By acknowledging that one group may be more oppressed than another I think it gives responsibility to everyone to advocate for one another.
By ignoring the hierarchy (that is sometimes blindingly bright in society) we might by accident still undermine the plights others are living. For example, as an Asian woman in the United States where I have the potential to make even more money than white women it would be woefully ignorant of me to say I’m equally oppressed as a black woman.
Although I have experienced my own privileges and plights, as someone who is interested in diversifying companies and advocating for others, I believe it’s critical for me to be transparent about offensive incidents I’ve experienced growing up and things I’ve learned from them.
“Where are you from?”
It’s innocent enough of a question but in a country enamored with nationalism, having that question posed to me by a stranger, I can’t help but feel like I’m being othered. This question gets worse when it’s paired with “how long have you been here?” Maybe it’s because I was adopted and maybe it’s because I feel like it’s too invasive for a stranger to ask, but these questions offend me since they’re not a first question people of European descent typically get asked.
Compliments are typically a good thing but in this diversified world I have to warn, be careful because what you perceive to be polite may actually be woefully ignorant and rude to remark to someone else. For example, telling someone who physically shows traits of being non-Caucasian that their “English is very good,” is just..wrong. This has happened to me believe it or not. I just have to say that these types of “compliments” are presumptuous and outcast individuals.
Jokes can get touchy as well. Imagine this scene in your head.
A girl spills her drink and her phone gets wet along the way. She quickly yells “get the rice…” (a normal request to help dry out electronics) “so the Asians come and fix my phone!”
***Jaw drops***
Yep, that one happened to me too and it was even worse because no one advocated for me even after I told the girl that her joke was not OK and I thought I was in a safe space.
“O so you’re like a banana, Asian on the outside and a white girl on the inside”
This is just another example of a joke I have had directed to me and it really hurt to have someone determine my identity and make me feel less Asian because I grew up in a white household. Everyone has a different humor threshold; however, be considerate of the people you may offend and the stereotypes you might perpetuate before you deliver your punchline.
“You’re too intense, you need to smile more”
“You’re being obnoxious”
So….I’m too serious and I need to lighten up, but after I try to joke and show a white male executive a more bubbly side of my personality, I got called obnoxious under his breath in a room full of colleagues. COOL.
Overall, there is an air of privilege that I sense when new people in my life begin our (often short) relationships with the statements listed, or similar to, those above. Of course, every person regardless of race, gender, class, sexual orientation and so on view oppression differently and have varying thresholds for determining what is appropriate and what is not. However, we must err on the side of caution and be willing to humble ourselves when the quick remarks and jokes go wrong.
As Louis CK said, “When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
More importantly though, I have learned through all these experiences that no matter how you look, what you wear, and how you conduct yourself, someone will always have something to say about it. People, but especially colored women will be prodded and judged no matter what we do and how we act, so, it is my resolution to live my life as authentically Maya as possible.
Last Saturday, my friend invited me to her place to have a couple of drinks. I was going to have a date with one guy and I asked him to stop by. As he stepped in and talked to several people, one dude just said: “Bro, your English is so good.” At that moment there was one voice inside me: “Yes…Cuz he is just another American like you.” By the way, he is Korean American. We talked about that a little bit later and it seemed that he’s getting used to it. I couldn’t imagine how awkward, or to say, mad, I would be if I was him.
One of the things I learned after I am in the States…